(This sentence... makes ff.net weep)

[nighthawkms.livejournal.com]

Dear FF.net,

Okay, so I decided to post a lovely little "The Office" fic on LJ tonight. You know, nothing special, just the usual under appreciated Michael/Jan pairing. You know, the one that has like 10 fics in total out of a 600+ story section (I really, really wish I could blame this on you. Sadly, it's the 13 year old fanbrats, who insist on posting shitty JAM fics that make real JAM OTP fans weep, that are to blame.) So I go to upload. After making sure that the Document Editor didn't screw anything up (because well, oh who the fuck am I kidding? I usually end up fixing multiple things you've managed to screw up during the import), I read your shitty guidelines (YET AGAIN. Seriously. I'VE READ THEM. I don't need to tell you every three days that I've done it). Then I hit the new story button, put in my fandom (still no pairing searches for the Office. Yet again, my love for you just 'grows'), and typed up a simple description. You know, the kind that English teachers would smile at and pat me on the head and give me a cookie for. Something that is at least LEGIBLE.

So I hit submit. Oh, but I haven't pleased you, have I, giant story destroying server of doom? My summary is spit back at me in a mess. First off, I always put the little "x" sign instead of the "/" sign when designating pairings. I know that this makes the pairing name so much harder to figure out, but for you fanfiction.net, I'll deal. So that's fine. But then, ah, what do I spot?

Why, I didn't know that ellipses didn't belong in titles! Curved Brackets too? Gee FF.net. You've sure taught me some important grammar lessons. I guess my 5th grade grammar teacher was wrong (I mean, this couldn't possibly be a correct sentence... could it?)

And then, you show me how horrible curved brackets are in the summary paragraph as well! So what if brackets are pretty much vital to my fic's title? So what if I have to use [these] crappy brackets? As long as you keep shoving half-assed Mary Sue stories at me that make me want to stab a spoon in my ear (I have to apologize here to Lewis Black for including his spoon joke in my horrible humor), I'll sure be a happy gal.

Finally, I've learned that titles can be no longer than about seven words. After all, if you can't say it in seven words, you should shut the fuck up and get the hell off ff.net's internet. Total sense.